Disappointment

Ok, normally I don't open up emotionally to other people when it comes to private situations. Recently (about three weeks ago) Christi and I found out that she is pregnant. This was one of the happiest moments I have ever had in life. To give you some back ground I come from a somewhat large family, on my father’s side there are nine children and each one has, on average, three of their own children. On my mother’s side a little less, with four children averaging two kids each of their own. I have always wanted kids of my own and after Christi and I got married we planned on having two or maybe three kids of our own, but we also said that if we couldn’t have kids then we would deal with that situation if it ever came around. After being married for two years and unsuccessful at becoming pregnant, I had visited a fertility clinic to have a semen analysis. We got the results a week later and everything seemed to be normal. Now fast forward about five months later, and here we are pregnant! After finding out the good news we decided not to get too excited because we know that pregnancies can go wrong. So, we made an appointment with a doctor to confirm that Christi was pregnant and sure enough the results came back positive. We couldn’t help but get excited that the doctor confirmed the home pregnancy tests. The next step was to go and get an ultrasound to see how far along we were. (You can't help but be excited for someone when they are expecting, it’s such an amazing experience).

Our day comes and we leave in the morning to head to the doctor’s office to find out how far along in the pregnancy we are. We get to the office sit around waiting as patiently as one could be. They called our names and we went into a room to have the exam. Truth be told that was the worst experience I have ever had. The exam revealed a possible ectopic pregnancy. At that very moment our spirits were pretty much crushed, it wasn't one hundred percent clear but the doctor had a feeling that it was and wanted us to come back in a couple of days for a follow up. (Talk about an eternity.) The next couples of days were very hard emotionally and physically - by the time the next appointment came around we were dreading going for the follow-up exam. Going in and finding out that we could lose the life that had started growing is very difficult to accept. Now we are in the little room again and waiting for the second ultrasound exam. Christi and I both were feeling a bit strung out when the doctor came in to start the exam. After a few seconds of examining, the doctor found the growing embryo attached to the fallopian tube resulting in an ectopic pregnancy. (There it was, the worst news I have been told to date).

The doctor told Christi that she had to go into emergency surgery to remove the embryo before it burst open and possibly bleed to death. So now we have gone from bad news to worse. Christi was immediately admitted to the hospital, where they started prepping for surgery. At this point (not to take away from how Christi could have been feeling) I was feeling completely helpless - losing a baby and having my wife go into surgery. There was nothing that I could do to change anything. All I could do at that point was to be at her side to comfort her and pray that everything would go ok without any complications. We were then moved into another room where we would have to wait for an operating room to be available. We were told that we would have to wait one or two hours for the room (we actually had to wait five hours for the room). That was a long five hours of waiting, most of which we sat around in silence, and a little talking about what doctors and nurses were doing or saying while I was not permitted in the room. (And why do they do that, I would think that if you were able to stay out of the way and not interfere with anything your partner would need you there by their side for some support).

The time finally came for Christi to go into surgery, so I was told to say something of a comforting goodbye (just in case) and they took her off. I sat there in the waiting room all by myself (there were other people there, but we came alone not expecting having to go straight into emergency surgery) with thoughts racing through my mind - how is she, how is it going, is she having any reactions to medication? All that stress was making me feel very weak and tired (plus I had only slept a couple of hours that night) and it wasn't helping sitting in a chair not knowing what was going on. There was no communication that could lift my spirits or relieve some anxiety, there was just a room with a hand full of people watching TV and reading magazines. Some relief finally came when a phone rang in the room and someone walked over and picked it up, looked around and shouted out my name. I hurried over to the phone and spoke to a nurse, who said the surgery was over and that Christi would be waking up soon and the doctor would be coming to talk to me.

Apparently when Christi woke up she had a small reaction to the medication that was used to put her out, and they gave her a different medication for it and it put her out for another hour or so. In the meantime I still haven't seen her and was beginning to get impatient. I then was asked to hand the phone off to the next person so that they can notify them, I shouted out the next person’s name to hand the phone off to (it looked like everyone was on an assembly line). The phone was handed over from one person to the next and after talking to the nurse they were permitted to go and see their loved ones, while I had to wait once again. A few minutes later the doctor came out to talk to me while Christi was still out from the medication they gave her. She had told me that while the surgery went fine and they took out the left tube, it revealed that there were some further concerns. Christi's right tube was attached to her ovary and showed some scaring as a result from a previous infection. The doctor went further on by telling me some more bad news, there would only be a fifty percent chance of becoming pregnant again with a seventy five percent chance resulting in another ectopic pregnancy.

A short time later Christi woke up, at which time I was permitted to go and be with her. I told her what the doctor had revealed to me, as I watched her tear up and sad emotions come out. This was just way too much for us to bear in one day. Christi and I left for home a short while later. The next day the doctor had called to check up and set another appointment to talk to Christi and I together. After our appointment, we were left with only one safe way to have a baby, and that is to raise the money needed for Invitro.